Because I fucking don’t.
Don’t get me wrong, the people I was with were wonderful. I love hanging out with them. Even had a wonderful surprise when my Norwegian friend came over.
But for every nice person in that group, there are ten cuntbags I want to see dead with their hearts hanging out from their eye sockets.
This is the very reason I don’t go out on socials anymore. With any society. Last year, I went to damn near every single social held by the local games society. I mean I won a goddamn trophy because of it. This year, I barely went out.
I usually make the excuse of a lack of ID, but to be honest, most of the bouncers and bartenders around town know me enough to serve me anyway, to a point where I only need to say “the usual” in one of them.
It’s the cuntbags that I have to share the space with. I don’t appreciate being gawked at from a goddamn distance, checking what fucking gender I am. I don’t appreciate you trying to get me to speak to hear what octave my voice is at, and I certainly don’t fucking appreciate it when you call me a fucking man.
And while I get that these are good intentions, I don’t want to be reminded of what I am. I don’t want to be reminded that I “was someone else” in the past. I don’t want to be told off for not being fucking proud of who I am. Do you know what this condition is? It’s a fucking birth defect. It’s an illness. It’s a disease. It’s a disability and for all my talk of missing the old days, I will willingly kill someone and eat their heart served raw with a pint of urine to wash it down with just so I can get rid of this goddamn condition for one day.